i feel your pain anon, ive done some seriously twisted things when i was a kid and it's so hard going on with the guilt
i told my significant other one of the worst things i did and they still love me so thats a start
I was more or less in the same boat as you anons. What I seriously regret is not getting into occultism, because that isn't the main problem, but the path that eventually led me to it. I wish a very long series of events never happened, along with wishing that I stayed away from imageboards. I was already a defective human being in the first place, but now all I am is a completely broken man yearning for death thanks to what I have got myself into.
Sorry for ruining the mood of the board.
Aww man, I hope you're able to lay low and lick your wounds. Try staying away from boards for a few days and just slam your keyboard with whatever comes to your mind (grief, realisation, etc)
I bullied a kid pretty bad and was a very toxic person overall back in early highschool. It was to the point most of my friends turned on me as a collective and outed me from the friend group for a couple months.
I feel like in some regards I have changed, but other things are still with me, like how I am a pretty toxic person overall and how I am quite rude to people with little empathy and am still a social 'tard
This is really fucked up for me at least because I was too antisocial to get involved in the really bad stuff. As I continue to grow older though, I learn how to move past that and how to become a better person in the future. It is difficult to improve isolated, but some progress is better than none.